things i do when i've lost myself (how to get your spark back after a slump)

You’ve felt it before already. That feeling that quietly grows in you whenever you think of dumb decisions you’ve made in the past. It tiptoes into the corners of your mind until one day it decides to sit with you and make itself very obvious. It makes you realize that lately you haven’t felt much excitement about anything; you feel numb, distracted, and struggle with motivation. Your friends ask you if you’re okay, and you shrug them off by saying, “I’m all good, thank you”, knowing very well that’s not the case. And what draws the knife even deeper is how everyone else seems to be living a life that is superior, well put together, but not you. Somehow you’ve become unable to cope with the common world. The only thing that matters to you is those bad moments where you messed up. You can’t find focus, and you fail to see the good in this world. You’ve officially hit rock bottom.

The situation may sound grim. However, you are actually in a great position to be in if you act accordingly. What people don’t often say about being at rock bottom is that it’s also the solid foundation on which you can rebuild your life. It’s the strongest place that you can push off from.

You see this often in movies where the main protagonist is beaten down and finds himself in the worst situation they could imagine, but somehow, after carefully thinking about their situation, strategic planning, and deliberate execution, they always succeed and come out stronger.

A couple of years back, I very strongly contemplated the idea of unaliving myself. For years, I dealt with depression and anxiety. I felt like I didn’t belong and no matter how hard I tried, all of my efforts would go in vain. I was good for nothing. I had no physical strength, was weak-minded, was failing at school, couldn’t do basic math, and was scared of approaching anyone. I remember I sat down in my bedroom with my back against the door and cried my eyes out. I was tired, not just of the life that I was living, but also of trying to fix things. After a long contemplation, I finally came back to my senses again. I thought to myself, “This cannot be the end for me”, and “I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s going through this. If someone else was able to overcome this, so can I.” On the other side of all this doom and self-hatred that I was in, I found purpose. I found the vision of a future that actually brought me joy and made me want to get out of bed and keep walking towards it. I haven’t made it there yet, but the beauty in completing your mission is not at the finish line. It’s on the journey to it. You learn to appreciate things, you meet people, you fall in and out of love, you let go of burdens and open your arms to receive more blessings. You learn to create, give, receive, take care, and to multiply the good things in life.

If you’re currently going through a slump, you’ve “lost your spark”, and find yourself in a rut, trust me, hope is not lost. I’m here to help you with things I do when I’ve lost myself and how to get your spark back after a slump so you can become the best version of yourself.

You’re currently at a crossroads. Your life has been signaling to you that something crucial is missing, and you should definitely sit down and think about your past few months or even years. The situation you find yourself in should not be shrugged off. It may come to pass with time, but unless you acknowledge it and solve it, it will keep coming into your life as an uninvited guest, each time coming in with more ways to make you feel bad about yourself. The only outcome from not solving your traumas and anxieties is that they magnify themselves and return with greater force.

Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.

- Matthew 12:45

Just like me, you have every right to feel these emotions. I too was tired, stressed, broken, but still I had been given an option. You either continue on this dark and empty path of damnation, or you lift your head, poke your chest out, accept the weight on your shoulders, and decide how you’ll move heading forward. It’s not easy. The momentum you’ll gain will help you along the way, but that is only after you take the first step, and the first step is absolutely the hardest. It signifies a change of direction in your life. So you need an aim, a vision, something that you desire more than anything else, and you must refuse to settle for any substitutes for it.

I decided that I was tired of being made fun of because of my bird chest. I wanted the physique, the ability to speak articulately, and not stumble over my words. I wanted to be able to get out of bed excited to start the day again and actually do something with my hands that was fruitful nd benefitial to me instead of playing video games all day. I wanted to find companionship and experience true love and know what it's like to care for someone and to be cared for, even though we are not related. That first step I took after hitting rock bottom is what is making all of this possible. I went from being made fun of for my physique to being praised for it now, and asked how I got here. I wake up in new cities every day across Europe because I can now articulate my speech properly. And best of all, I have found someone to love and who loves me back without any obligation to do so.

All of this was possible because I learned to pause, observe, think, and act. I follow a set of things I do whenever I start losing myself. I’ve used this when I was down, depressed, and out of shape. I’ve used this when I was in debt and looking for a way out. I found that way out and learned more about money and made money in ways I didn’t know were possible (I’ve talked about this before; I can touch on it more if you’d like me to). But here’s the list:

1. eliminate the clutter and tidy up

This is always the first thing I do. I can’t think properly if the place I’m in is cluttered. So clean up your desk, your room, your house. Sit down and now also clean up your digital space, mainly your phone. I have a whole essay that talks about this and how to rebuild your attention span. But for now, open your settings > general > iPhone storage > change the sorting to “Last Used Date”, and delete any apps that you haven’t used in a long time. Also, lay off Instagram, X, and TikTok at least for a week. I promise you’ll feel better. This process is just so that my mind doesn’t feel tempted to go and do something else while I’m taking care of the next step on this list, which takes a long time, but it allows me to pick up all the thoughts I have scrambled in my mind and start to make sense of them.

2. journal. think, organize, and plan for execution

I don’t journal for reflection. I’m not trying to add another good habit into my list of things to do. The goal here is for you to begin hearing yourself think again, organizing those thoughts, and building a plan as to how you will execute. This plan doesn’t have to be a set-in-stone thing. Plans change along the way, but at least you’ll have some sense of what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and how you’ll do it. The way I journal is this:

• Explain the situation you currently find yourself in and how you got there

• Proceed to write the worst-case scenario you can imagine if you decide to continue on that path

• Write about the things you want in life; it can be a simple bullet list of things

• Create a stupidly simple plan to achieve them. You’ll think about the details later; don’t stress over it. Things can possibly go 100% your way, and it would be foolish to think so.

• Proceed to write about the best-case scenario you can imagine if you chose to change your direction and begin pursuing a life worthy of your efforts.

  • Would this bring fulfillment?

  • Who would be there with you?

  • Where would you be living?

  • What would you be doing for a living?

  Think about all the good things and let them bring you joy. You’ll use this as fuel to keep you going whenever you feel down. And you’ll use the worst-case scenario as a motivator to never go back to your old ways again.

3. get a workout routine

Easily one of the best things you can do. It builds confidence. It proves to yourself that you can actually follow through with things even when you don’t have visible evidence. It increases your strength and overall health. It even makes you look more attractive. I’ve heard this before, not sure from whom, but “it’s hard to hit a moving target”. The truth of the matter is that “depression and anxiety often improve with exercise”. Exercise helps offset depression. It supports brain health. It primes your mind to focus. It improves blood flow. It increases your brain’s neuroplasticity and much, much more. This routine doesn’t have to be anything complicated; if you read my post how to believe in yourself even when you have no proof, you know that I started by doing 100 push-ups a day, then adding in some pull-ups, squats, and a couple of minutes of cardio. But if you want something more technical, I have a 5-day plan with videos that you can use even if you’re a beginner. Click here to get it.

4. go outside and get bored more often

There are many benefits to both of these. Benefits that directly help you restore your motivation for meaningful tasks, and prevent your brain from becoming desensitized to stimuli. I’ve experienced a big shift in my mood and energy once I started going for morning walks. Especially when I go without my phone. Constant stimulation and being cooped up all the time lead to you being in an insatiable state of craving, which keeps you from being able to focus and hold attention. Going outside and embracing boredom directly goes against this. Sunlight will reduce your tension and anxiety, and increase your energy. Resisting the urge to reach for your phone will build up your mental muscle, allowing you to do deep work. And boredom will help you return your dopamine level to its baseline, which is vital because this means that you will be able to find joy in everyday things again, even in activities that you previously found burdensome.

5. create a playlist for this new season

I think of this as creating my own soundtrack. Just like in the movies. This is totally up to you, but don’t go listen to sad music. This used to be a whole thing when I was in high school for some reason. Listen to something that motivates you, something that makes you believe that truly everything is possible, for the person who acts deliberately.

Some of my favorite artists are:

• Larry June

• Nipsey Hussle

They often talk about wealth, health, entrepreneurship, and self-belief.

6. massive execution

This is the last piece. Don’t just read this and go back to your old life. That old life is dead. You’re done with that.

Now that you have a clearer head and a rough idea of what you want to do with your life, you have to start going after it. Educate yourself; read books on topics that matter to you. Watch videos. Listen to a podcast. But remember to execute and use all the information you’ve gathered to your benefit. Without that, all that information and time that you’ve spent to acquire it is absolutely worthless and wasted.

books you should read:

• the science of getting rich

• the game of life & how to play it

• chop wood carry water

resources:

The Benefits of Exercise for the Clinically Depressed https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC474733/

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495

Exercise can boost your memory and thinking skills https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/exercise-can-boost-your-memory-and-thinking-skills

Sometimes imagining the worst case is the best thing you can do https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202309/sometimes-imagining-the-worst-is-the-best-thing-to-do

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This is the type of essay that is reserved for paid subscribers only.

If you’ve been feeling hopeless, lost, or if you find yourself in an unwanted cycle. I want you to know that there is a way out.

As you have read above, I have been there myself. It took me a long time until I escaped it, but I pulled through. I came to understand, as best as I could, the science behind the loops that had a hold of me, and how to break free from them with the simplest methods I could find.

I am no scientist. I am not a coach. I am not a Dr. I have simply built up some methods that helped me to clear and organize my life. And now I’m making it my life purpose to help others as well.

So if you’d like more posts like this, feel free to subscribe. I post a new essay every Sunday.